2012 Annual Conference Review

2012-03-23T09:24:23Z

From my early work with Norman and Betty Paul in the late 80s regarding helping couples on the brink of divorce, to our recent training with Bill Doherty on the same subject, there seem to be some common threads. Although I took an entire doctoral level course from Dr. and Mrs. Paul, along with numerous weekend trainings; and had only a six hour training with Dr. Doherty; some noteworthy points continue emerging which demand the attention of therapists working with couples in this situation.

Those of you who attended Bill’s conference could review the Conference Handouts
To refresh your memories.

For me, some of the primary points include:
1. Most couples are ambivalent regarding divorce, and need neutral, devoted therapists to help them truly explore, understand, and heal – regardless of the outcome of their decision.

2. Therapists need to be more finely tuned to the idiosyncracies and sensitivities of such important work.

3. The decisions we guide couples into making will completely change their lives, and the lives of their family members, for the rest of these lives.

4. We need to take our roles and such situations more seriously, and separate our own beliefs, relationship experiences, and opinions from the therapeutic mix.

5. We need to remember that we are often the biggest influence in a couple making such a decision, and we want to encourage truth, responsibility, and health.

6. Whether we use Norman Paul’s “Salvageability Period,” Bill Doherty’s “Discernment Phase,” or what I refer to as the “Determination Phase,” we need to encourage couples to slow down, take the time to consider the broader perspective, take the time to remove the defenses and look at the whole truth rather than the select portions they so often choose to focus on, and then guide them through this process with the sole intention of helping them determine whether or not the marriage is salvageable. If it is, then they switch to couples therapy, and if it is not, then they may choose to divorce, or not.

7. Norman Paul’s “Salvageability Period” was generally 3-6 months, Bill Doherty’s “Discernment Phase” is typically 6 weeks, and my “Determination Phase” is typically 3-6 months.

What do you think?

Looking to Share office Space on the West Side

2011-08-09T15:19:27Z

My name is Melissa Wilson, and I’m looking to share office space with another professional. Call me 808-769-0819 or email mellyinsf at mac dot com to discuss more

Congratulations

2011-07-16T14:40:14Z

I have followed the efforts of HAMFT and I am proud to be a member of this fine organization. Through the efforts of HAMFT and Call For Change, our profession will be stronger and more creative.

Thank you for your leadership and inspiration HAMFT Board and leadership. Thank you for allowing individuals to join and support the efforts in HI.

Dr. Mike McNamara, LMFT
Atascadero, CA